Strategies for Getting your Kids to Talk

The start of a new school year….a mix of emotions!  Excitement for something new to begin.  Anticipation of change.  Fear of the unknown.  Sadness for the end of leisure and relaxation.  And these are the emotions I am feeling after doing the same job for 25 years…imagine what it is like for your elementary- aged child who is just starting this journey of life!!!  They experience all these things and often don’t have a way of expressing all these big emotions.  That is why it is so important to encourage communication with your child.  The problem is when they get home from school, all you hear after you ask, “How was school today?” is “Fine or O.K. or Good.”  That doesn't exactly fill our craving for information about how our little person navigated the world of school without us.  We may need to employ our super sleuth skills as powerful parents to try to unearth the secrets of the six hour separation between us and our children.  Many of us did not sign up for the F.B.I. interrogation strategies course before we became parents, so I will give you an over-view of what you may have missed and how to get the most out of talking with your child. 

First…It is important to determine when the suspect (in this case, your child) is in the right frame of mind to spill his or her guts.  For some, it is right after they get off the bus, but for the majority of others, it is right before it is time for lights out!  You may not be thrilled by this, and your eyelids may be at half-mast, but once your little one starts to recount an interaction with a peer as his/her head is hitting the pillow, I promise, you will perk up.   Know your child and work with his or her internal schedule.

Next…You must use the right questioning tactics to produce the best results. “How was school today?” is a little too vague for most of our charges, so you may need to spice up your questions.  For instance, you could try:

·        Tell me something that made you laugh today.

·        Tell me about what happened in the cafeteria today – anyone bring anything you didn't recognize for lunch? – anyone bring in your favorite food?

·        Tell me something you learned today.  Maybe it was the name of the kid sitting next to you in class.  Maybe it was where the nearest bathroom is to your room. (Anything they learned is important!!)

·        If you could sit next to anyone in the class, who would it be? (This gets at budding friendships without coming out and asking, “Who’s your best friend?”)  Then follow up with, “Why would you want to sit next to them?”  You may be very surprised by the response!  My son’s response to that in first grade was, “I want to sit next to Billy because he taught me how to make armpit farts during recess!”  Super!!

·        Who do you think you could help with work or with making friends? is a great question for getting your child to focus on the needs of others and be reflective about what they could do to be supportive.  This is very empowering for them. 

·        If you were the teacher, how would you say your day went?  Again, the focus here is not on your child, but rather on helping them take another’s perspective and recognize how their behavior and that of their classmates impacts the teacher in positive and negative ways.  This is an important process in producing a more mindful person. 

Finally…now that you have a more robust stockpile of information regarding the time frame in question (the school day), laugh with your child!  Allow them to decompress and look forward to sharing more details with you regarding their daily experiences in the future. 

Your honorary F.B.I. interrogation training is complete – use it responsibly!