I am sick to my stomach that my December blog post is about the horrific events that took place on Friday December 14th in Sandy Hook Elementary School. I was hoping to talk about the wonderful efforts of our community to help others in need like our high school did to raise money for Hurricane Sandy victims and our own school is doing to provide toys to sick children for the holidays. Unfortunately, this situation has taken over the spotlight of not only the evening news, but Facebook posts, Twitter feeds and discussions between friends all over the place. On Friday evening, I took a look at my Facebook newsfeed and almost every post was about the shooting. There was anger, indignation, and hostility in the posts of my younger Facebook friends, but the resounding emotion in the posts of my Facebook friends who are parents was fear. "I hugged my children a little tighter today as I dried my tears for the families that lost their children," was one such post. I certainly understand that feeling, but I also know how our strong emotions get transmitted to our kids and fear is as contagious as the common cold!
I think back to 9/11 and the children that had the most anxious and long-lasting negative reaction were not necessarily the children who lost a relative or a friend in the towers, but the children who were taken out of school and perched in front of the T.V. with their parents to watch the horrific events over and over again. I am aware that our media-thirsty society is over-run with information about sensational and terrifying events, but that doesn't mean that we have to succumb to its exposure. I also recognize that my own personal approach to dealing with these types of unthinkable situations is to do just that...not think about them! I believe the clinical term for the way I choose to deal with these things is the "Head-in-the-Sand Approach," which isn't necessarily the most effective. So we need to find a balance between scaring our children and pretending that the world is a perfect place - ignoring the fact that terrible things do happen. I think one way to do this is to start by asking our kids what they know about the situation. If they have a broad framework of the disaster, that is sufficient. Details are unnecessary at this time. Judgment is also unnecessary. We don't know why people do the things they do and when someone kills themselves after killing others, we will never know their true motivations, and this is something we can explain to kids. Sometimes there are no answers. So now would be a good time to focus on the supportive reactions of those first responders to the Sandy Hook Elementary School and the wonderful and generous Newtown community members who are collecting stuffed animals for the young scarred survivors of the attack.
"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, " Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world." - Fred "Mr." Rogers.
So after a tragedy of this magnitude; instead of letting fear dictate our fate or that of our children, let's empower our kids to be helpers. Watch this youtube video to get you in the helping mood. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID0kgP9IVhs
