As we are finally seeing the first signs of spring with the birth of baby geese along our highways (never understood why that is considered prime real-estate for raising a family!) and Mother's Day rapidly approaching, I write this for all the mothers out there who spend countless hours wondering, "Am I doing this whole mothering- thing right?" For anyone who hasn't wondered this, I want to know your secret (or maybe you just don't care!) In any case, we are influenced by an infinite number of factors that provide us with the criteria for achieving the coveted "highly effective" status as a parent. And just as the results of standardized tests may not be the most accurate or appropriate judge for whether a teacher is highly effective, some of the standards we hold ourselves to as moms are not appropriate either!
At this point, most of my children are past the point where I feel that any and all decisions and actions I make will have some direct impact on them, I still remember the days when waking up and getting to a soccer game on time with the right child, in the right uniform with the right equipment (water bottle, cleats, snacks, etc.) was the goal and I was successful if I was able to accomplish this! It didn't matter if I was a raving lunatic rummaging through the hamper of dirty clothes to find the uniform top ten minutes before the game! On other days, if I was able to stay awake while my child was asking me to help them with their Haiku poem at 7:00pm - I earned the gold star for that day! Some may think that my standards are somewhat low...who couldn't do those things? However, by celebrating my little day to day successes throughout the years, I was able to handle the disappointment when my oldest couldn't quite balance his new-found freedom and the responsibilities of learning on his own during his first year at college and had to return home due to poor grades.
Our parenting competencies get called into question over so many things our children do and say and by so many sources. One mother I spoke to recently was concerned that there must be something she was doing wrong because her five year old was still wetting the bed. Another felt criticized by her own parents because her four year old preferred using her fingers rather than utensils during a family dinner of spaghetti and meatballs. The glances we get from other parents as our child is having a melt-down during dance class or after making the last out at their baseball game are all judgements of our parenting skills and on any given day, those judgements can overwhelm us and make us question what God was thinking when he allowed us to become parents! To keep ourselves from falling into despair on those occasions, we must focus on what we do right! The time when the woman in the pew behind me at church leaned over and said, "Your children are so well behaved!" at the end of mass was something I carried with me as the antidote to the stares, tisks and, disapproving glances I used to get when they were battling each other to push the shopping cart at the grocery store!
We worry and wonder if we are doing the hardest job in the world highly effectively with no formal training (and sometimes we are using the "What not to do" approach if our own parents left some emotional scarring!) So for Mother's Day this year, let's give ourselves the gift of understanding that there are many things that go into making our children who they and some are out of our control, forgiveness for the mistakes we make day-to-day and the wisdom to know that at the end of the day if we have tried hard to stay positive and focus on the good within each of our children...we are G.E.M.s (Good Enough Moms!)
