The start of a new school year….a mix of
emotions! Excitement for something new
to begin. Anticipation of change. Fear of the unknown. Sadness for the end of leisure and
relaxation. And these are the emotions I
am feeling after doing the same job for 25 years…imagine what it is like for
your elementary- aged child who is just starting this journey of life!!! They experience all these things and often
don’t have a way of expressing all these big emotions. That is why it is so important to encourage
communication with your child. The
problem is when they get home from school, all you hear after you ask, “How was
school today?” is “Fine or O.K. or Good.”
That doesn't exactly fill our craving for information about how our
little person navigated the world of school without us. We may need to employ our super sleuth skills
as powerful parents to try to unearth the secrets of the six hour separation
between us and our children. Many of us
did not sign up for the F.B.I. interrogation strategies course before we became
parents, so I will give you an over-view of what you may have missed and how to
get the most out of talking with your child.
First…It is important to determine when the suspect
(in this case, your child) is in the right frame of mind to spill his or her
guts. For some, it is right after they
get off the bus, but for the majority of others, it is right before it is time
for lights out! You may not be thrilled
by this, and your eyelids may be at half-mast, but once your little one starts
to recount an interaction with a peer as his/her head is hitting the pillow, I
promise, you will perk up. Know your
child and work with his or her internal schedule.
Next…You must use the right questioning tactics to
produce the best results. “How was school today?” is a little too vague for
most of our charges, so you may need to spice up your questions. For instance, you could try:
·
Tell me something that made you laugh
today.
·
Tell me about what happened in the
cafeteria today – anyone bring anything you didn't recognize for lunch? –
anyone bring in your favorite food?
·
Tell me something you learned
today. Maybe it was the name of the kid
sitting next to you in class. Maybe it
was where the nearest bathroom is to your room. (Anything they learned is
important!!)
·
If you could sit next to anyone in the
class, who would it be? (This gets at budding friendships without coming out
and asking, “Who’s your best friend?”)
Then follow up with, “Why would you want to sit next to them?” You may be very surprised by the
response! My son’s response to that in
first grade was, “I want to sit next to Billy because he taught me how to make
armpit farts during recess!” Super!!
·
Who do you think you could help with
work or with making friends? is a great question for getting your child to
focus on the needs of others and be reflective about what they could do to be
supportive. This is very empowering for
them.
·
If you were the teacher, how would you
say your day went? Again, the focus here
is not on your child, but rather on helping them take another’s perspective and
recognize how their behavior and that of their classmates impacts the teacher
in positive and negative ways. This is
an important process in producing a more mindful person.
Finally…now that you
have a more robust stockpile of information regarding the time frame in
question (the school day), laugh with your child! Allow them to decompress and look forward to
sharing more details with you regarding their daily experiences in the
future.
Your honorary F.B.I.
interrogation training is complete – use it responsibly!
