Navigating Social Media with our Kids

Over the last week, Mr. Sinanis and I have conducted some cyber etiquette/ cyber bullying workshops with the third, fourth and fifth grade students and as usual, I think I learned more than they did!  Our 8 – 11 year olds are savvy consumers and users of social media.  They know the ins and outs of apps like Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook.  These young people are being given seemingly harmless, one could even say educational devices like, Kindle Fires, ipads, Nooks, ipod touches and iphones, without so much as a thought that there is danger lurking under the shiny black surface.  There is no warning from the Surgeon General on the label of these products that says they could be harmful to your emotional well-being. 

During our visits, we were told of “Beauty Contests” that are held on Instagram where viewers are asked to rate the pictures of some willing and some not-so-willing contestants.  It sounded like even truck drivers would blush at some of the language used in the comments on the pictures posted on Instagram according to the kids.  The children spoke of being blackmailed in text messages to force them not to rat out the black mailer. The spreading of rumors using group chats was discussed and we got a few comments related to unknown parties making inappropriate, unkind comments on pictures posted on Instagram. 

The lure of social media is extremely strong.  In a 2012 review article in Personality and Individual Differences called “Why Do People Use Facebook?” Boston University psychologist Stefan Hofmann, PhD, broke down the site’s appeal into two areas: the need to belong and the need for self-presentation.  Facebook, Hofmann says, satisfies both of those basic needs.  So for a pre-adolescent whose goal in life right now is to establish themselves among their peers as someone worth knowing and being around, the draw is even greater!  The thought is, “I follow the kid who posted that sexy photo of the woman in the bikini!  I’m gonna “like” it and forward it to 20 friends who will then know how cool I am!” 

So how do we help our kids navigate the extremely rough waters of social media usage? 

• First of all, we have to be informed!  It is so important to stay in touch with what your kids are doing and talking about.  Ask questions, be nosy and stay in the loop!
• Next, we have to set some ground rules for social media usage.  Those apps are so darn easy to load and they are free, so with the touch of a finger, the kids are up and running with the latest tweets, posts and pictures. 
• It is perfectly o.k. for you to let them know that they may only join a social media site with your approval, and then check out their apps (even if you have to wait until they are asleep to do so!)  The next rule is you must be able to “Friend” them or follow them on any of those sites.  Their knowledge that you will see everything that they see and post may not stop them from doing foolish things, (I know because I occasionally cringe when I see what my 19 year old son posts every now and then) but at least you will know and can address it before it gets out of control. 
• Another important rule for social media usage is that they must share their passwords to these sites with you. We stressed this with the kids a great deal – their passwords are PRIVATE to everyone, even their BFFs, but they must be shared with their parents.  
• Finally, don’t be afraid to say something if you see something disturbing.  As parents, we must stick together and have each others’ backs to help in the navigation process.  There is nothing wrong in calling the parents of a child who is either posting inappropriate things or is having unkind things said about them in posts, as long as the call is made without passing judgment on the child and is made strictly to help set the child on the right path or protect them from insult and ridicule.   I’m sure John and Kelly Halligan (Ryan’s Story – Bullying and Cyberbullying prevention program) would have appreciated a call from another parent if they knew the extent of the cyberbullying their son Ryan was being subjected to prior to taking his own life at thirteen years old.   

We have reinforced with the kids that they must take action and not be passive bystanders in the cyber world.  They must block or not follow people that are being unkind... even if those people are their “good friends” and they must inform an adult. On-line behavior has real-life consequences and we want them to feel empowered to act if they are uncomfortable with what they are seeing on-line.  Help them to be powerful by knowing that you are their allies and they can be the change for good in cyberspace.